Milk Does a Body Good

I've been struggling recently, struggling with the issue of pumping. I must say, I HATE IT! I spend hours a day tied to a machine, hours that I could be playing with my baby, sleeping, exercising (trying to lose this 30 or 40lbs I’ve been lugging around), etc. I have been going back and forth with the thought of giving it up. It would be different if Cooper would nurse. We could then have some quality bonding time. It’s just so hard to pump, store, wash, and feed. He’s six months old, he’s had lots of booby milk and there is PLENTY in the freezer, so why not?!

It’s something I’ve been doing for him since November 17th. When he was in the hospital and couldn’t eat, the ONLY thing that I could do for him – provide milk that could be tube fed. To be a mother without a baby, I was lost. I felt like a failure when my body gave out and they had to take him two months early. I felt I had failed myself, Charlie, and Cooper! So, while my baby was boxed up in the hospital, I took great pride in the pumping. It made me feel good to know that when he gained an ounce – it was because my body had provided the nutrients for him.

Just when I thought enough is enough. Tonight, Cooper decided to nurse! I felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. I’ve prayed about it, and just didn’t know what to do. Well, could there have been a clearer answer?! AND the pumping continues. (With, hopefully, spontaneous episodes of nursing to make it worth my while). :)

He also enjoyed pears for dinner, tonight!

Wordless Wednesday

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Half a Year

I can't believe my baby turned 6 months old yesterday. When I think back, I still feel very sad about all the time that was lost while he was in NICU. Yes . . . . I KNOW how very blessed I am to have a healthy baby boy at home with me. My mind comprehends this, but my heart does not. My mom frequently reminds me of how much worse things could've been. What she doesn't understand . . . . she never lost a moment with either of her babies. She didn't have to go 26 hours before the doctors would even let her see them. She didn't have to look at her baby with tubes crammed into his mouth, nose, etc. She didn't have to say good bye to her babies night, after night, after night.  Her heart did not break into pieces when she first saw a little skeleton of a baby that held half of her soul. Unless you've been there, unless you've been a NICU parent . . . . you have no way of understanding. When I think back, 6 months back, I'm overwhelmed with RAW emotion. I celebrate the 6 months of life that my baby has had, but it hurts when I think about being robbed of the first 2. I should have been the first person to hold him and to give him his first bath. I should've felt like his mom and not a visitor. It's ALL still sooooo much. The feelings are sooooo RAW. Would I do it all over again? In one heartbeat. I love that little bug with my whole being.

NOVEMBER

NOW

Veggie Time!

We decided it was time to let Cooper have a small taste of something "different". Poor baby - almost 6 months old and has only had boobie milk & some formula. I was told by my very informative friend, Christie, that you're suppose to start with green veggies first. I think you start with the gross and slowly work your way to foods that are sweeter. :)

New FAVORITE - he looks like such a big boy!

"Here I am in this stupid seat again!"

Organic Peas - YUM! (gag)

"Wow! I'm tired from trying to figure out what to do with this stuff in my mouth!"

"No more! Please!"

Mother's Day

What a happy day for many. Yet, a VERY sad day for some. I sent up prayers for those that have lost their mothers, those that have lost a child, and those that pray to one day be a mother. It's strange to step back and look at my life . . . . ALL the things I've been blessed with. I'm so unworthy!

Mommy & Daddy Love