I've been struggling recently, struggling with the issue of pumping. I must say, I HATE IT! I spend hours a day tied to a machine, hours that I could be playing with my baby, sleeping, exercising (trying to lose this 30 or 40lbs I’ve been lugging around), etc. I have been going back and forth with the thought of giving it up. It would be different if Cooper would nurse. We could then have some quality bonding time. It’s just so hard to pump, store, wash, and feed. He’s six months old, he’s had lots of booby milk and there is PLENTY in the freezer, so why not?!
It’s something I’ve been doing for him since November 17th. When he was in the hospital and couldn’t eat, the ONLY thing that I could do for him – provide milk that could be tube fed. To be a mother without a baby, I was lost. I felt like a failure when my body gave out and they had to take him two months early. I felt I had failed myself, Charlie, and Cooper! So, while my baby was boxed up in the hospital, I took great pride in the pumping. It made me feel good to know that when he gained an ounce – it was because my body had provided the nutrients for him.
Just when I thought enough is enough. Tonight, Cooper decided to nurse! I felt a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. I’ve prayed about it, and just didn’t know what to do. Well, could there have been a clearer answer?! AND the pumping continues. (With, hopefully, spontaneous episodes of nursing to make it worth my while). :)
He also enjoyed pears for dinner, tonight!
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